Friday, January 2, 2009

It's now safe to move about in your seat, we hope you had a nice bowel movement before you entered this plane.

I hate traveling.

No, I don't hate all forms of travel, just flying.

I've been more comfortable riding a chicken bus in Mexico than having to deal with all the hassle of getting from point a to point B via the friendly skys. Remember to travel with only one bag and be aware of the TSA's war on moisture.

We just came back from a buying trip in Las Vegas (lost wages) Nevada. Five days, staying at a nice casino on the strip that was supposed to have a shuttle bus leaving every half hour to the show. Unfortunately they canceled that particular stop about 5 weeks after we made our reservations and a week before the show. It's not that I'm that cheap but it's just another inconvenience to put up with.

That particular change of events started me to preface every public announcement no matter where I hear one to add "For your Inconvenience...." . As an example: (For your Inconvenience) Your luggage can be claimed at carousel number 2. Number 2 is the one that is the furthest one away from anywhere you are currently standing.

When you do that, most public announcements will now fill in the sentence leaving you with a certain joy in your heart that you now have heard the truth. (This also works with most political advertisements too.)

Which leads me to my solution to those damn carousels and the way passengers stand so close to the edge of the damn thing to keep anyone else from seeing their bag.

The bags themselves are dumb. Just like mine (Hey, don't go there.) , black, wheeled and all roughly the same size.

It's real tough for me to see it go by as I'm not that tall and definitely can't see over the A's heads and I'll be dammed if I'm going to crawl under their legs.

What's ironic is that I'm not one of them. One who has to immediately have his bag no matter what. In fact, when I finally get off the plane (deplane?) and follow the signs to baggage claim, I find the stupid carousel (Number 2) where my bag is supposed to show up, then go outside and have a smoke while I'm hoping the rif-raf have gotten all their bags are are gone.

But they're not! They're never gone when I get back, they're still crowding around the moving turntable.

My bag was probably the first off and had done the Daytona 500 by now.
So.... I took my basic bag

Added a little vinyl lettering. (in safety yellow)

And now this is going to be fun. All those Type A's are now going to see my bag go around dozens of times and wonder why theirs didn't get such good treatment.


The suitcase has worked fine and has seen a lot of travel but..... leave it to New Orleans.

When I arrived at my home airport, I grabbed my bag and was greeted with...

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